So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
