I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
