During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
farters have to be the big spoon...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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