I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
