I heard we made out
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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