he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
