Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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