somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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