We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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