im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
