They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
