I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize