so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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