hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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