How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
