So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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