my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
