your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
