i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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