Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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