Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
