when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
