Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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