Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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