I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
