Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
