Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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