We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
