If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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