How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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