FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
