Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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