I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My pussy is not your playground.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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