Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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