whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
