This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
