listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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