I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
