morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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