two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
