i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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