oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
