Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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