I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
