Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
