pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
