went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
