i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
