How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
