Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
