porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
