Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So much Jack, so little girl.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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