I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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