he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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