hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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