i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
