This girl is more easily done than said...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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