Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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