Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
