Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
