I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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