I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
smell my finger.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
