so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
