I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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