I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
why is half of my head shaved?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
