i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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