Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
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