We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
