Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
