I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
