I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
