The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
