hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
