my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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